No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
