ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
