who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
