Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
