my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
