Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
