Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
