I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
