just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
