She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
