community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
