At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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