no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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