go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
