lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
