YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
