Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
