Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
