he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
