Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
