Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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