I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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