I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
