textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
