obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
