Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
