i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
