My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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