She said her name was "party"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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