So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
