Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
