First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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