This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
