Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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