Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I want is dick and wine.
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