your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just gargled with NyQuil
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
