did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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