Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
