Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
