just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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