i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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