3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
