Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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