my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
