Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
