Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
