Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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