put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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