I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
