I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I will be naked everywhere
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
