I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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