just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
