i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
