you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
